Friday, September 22, 2017

Health Hazard

Yesterday I discovered a health hazard in a place I thought to be safe.  Not only safe, but healthy!  I was nearly killed by fruit and chocolate.  Yes, you heard me correctly.

Late yesterday afternoon, I was still in my PJs (don't judge me) and taking the laundry down from the back deck.  I wasn't wearing my hearing aids and was in my own little world, enjoying my fresh-smelling laundry.  I live in the middle of nowhere and no one ever comes to my house.  It's safe to walk on my back deck in my PJs knowing that no one will ever see me, so imagine my surprise when I suddenly heard someone say "Hello."

And that's when I screamed and fell dead on the deck from a heart attack.  In my PJs.  And a messy bun.  A delivery man was in my driveway looking up at me lying dead on my deck.  Apparently I can't hear trucks in my driveway without my hearing aids and this delivery man snuck right up on me.

He jumped, but then started laughing.  After my heart re-started, I said "Obviously you startled me."* I met the delivery man in the driveway, still trying to regain my breath.  The kind man said, "I could see the laundry lines jiggling so I figured you were back here.  I didn't mean to scare you!"  He was just trying to deliver an Edible Arrangements bouquet from my cousin.**  I explained to him about not wearing my hearing aids and then signed for this beautiful bouquet.

I picked the wrong week to stop drinking Dr. Pepper.

The delivery man will likely never recover from being screamed at (and seeing me in my PJs). 

I eventually revived myself with chocolate and fruit.  "Hair of the dog" and all that.

*Understatement, much?

**"Cousin Eddie" was very nearly listed as my cause of death.


Brenda Barry said...

Hahaha you made me spew my coffee laughing!!! I'm sure the delivery man recovered & I'm sure you made his day!!!

Mary in Peoria Handmade said...


Anne Kirby said...

Hilarious. And we never judge, btw!

Eileen said...

Sweetie, we never judge. It's a good thing I put down the Pepsi Zero before I opened this. Tell Cousin Eddie what a beautiful near death experience he gave you. :D

allthingzsewn said...

I think I could forgive the driver and cousin Eddy while munching on that beautiful bouquet.

Bobbie said...

Very funny! And I frequently stay in my nightgown doing housework in the morning! So no judging going on over here.